Sunday, 18 May 2014

Living Teetotal

I have been teetotal now for going on 4 years now and apart from the odd sip of champagne at weddings I have not had an alcoholic drink.  A month or so ago I was at a book signing and the man behind me in the queue had a glass of red wine (which I have never liked) that smelled SO good I wanted to snatch it out of his hand an neck it.  I didn't obviously but I wanted to show that it isn't easy even after all this time.

Drink mocktails
  For those who don't know, I quit drinking because I found it was aggravating my depression and causing me to feel suicidal.  Giving up drinking is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do that I didn't really want to do.  I loved drinking, I loved having a bottle glass of wine with dinner or cocktails on a night out.  I loved the feeling of being giddy and dancing like I just didn't care.  

Without drinking I have had to learn how to socialise without alcohol.  How to be the only sober person at a party.  And, also how to be me without alcohol.  I started off by "faking it" with mocktails and drinking juices out of wine glasses.  

Enjoy tea

It kept people off my back.  I cursed myself for not learning to drive so I would have a valid excuse not to be drinking.

As time has passed I have become more comfortable not drinking, my friends have become used to it and I even had a cup of tea at a party I was at a few weeks ago.  Everyone else was drinking and I didn't feel self concious or embarrassed.

I have learned to dance sober and to embrace the morning after when everyone else is suffering I can enjoy the day.

I'm not going to lie, if someone waved a magic wand and made me able to drink again I would, but I am ok with what life had dealt me in the drinking stakes now.  Time is a great healer as they say and it has healed my discomfort.

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