Thursday, 9 May 2013

Happiness Project - May

May's resolutions are as follows:

  • Find more fun
  • take time to be silly
  • Go off the path
  • Collection
In the spirit of being silly i started a pillow fight with G.  I have also just bought some new old pictures for my collection which i will blog about later.  I have also started reading World War Z, going off the path of what i normally read.

As for my April resolutions I failed big time.  I did sing a little bit and it did make me feel good (the same cannot be said for those listening).  That was it.  

March Resolutions I am still blogging a lot more than i used to.  And i've been promoting my blog on facebook.

February Resolutions I am not doing too well with these either.

January Resolutions I am going to bed earlier still but the rest i've forgotten about.  (sad face) still always good to get a reminder (and heres me enjoying the fun of failure)

Thursday, 2 May 2013

Inspirational Woman #1 Aung San Suu Kyi

I am starting an Inspirational Women series on this blog and on Pintrest because women are great and sometimes we forget that and try to act like men, which we suck at.

I have admired Aung San Suu Kyi for a long time.  I remember watching the tv (probably in 1989) and thinking how beautiful she was. I loved the flowers in her hair and although i didn't understand the political situation (I was only 7) she stuck in my mind.

Aung San Suu Kyi was born in Burma in 1945.  Her father, Aung San was involved in founding the modern Burmese army and in negotiating Burma's independence from Great Britain in 1947.  Her mother, Khin Kyi was a prominent political figure and was appointed Ambassador to India and Nepal in 1960.  Aung San Suu Kyi went on to live in New Delhi, Oxford and New York and gained degrees in politics and philosophy, politics and economics.

She returned to Burma in 1988 to take care of her mother who was sick. Around the same time the long time military leader, General Ne Win, stepped down from power.  There were mass demonstrations calling for democracy but these were violently suppressed and a new military leader, Than Shwe, took control.  Aung San Suu Kyi called for a democratic government and entered politics to work for it.  On the 20th Sept 1989 she was placed under house arrest, though told she would be freed if she left the country.  She refused.

The government called a general election in 1990 but then refused to hand over power.  In 1991 she won the Nobel Peace prize though was unable to collect her award.  Aung San Suu Kyi remained under house arrest until July 1995.  After this her movements remained restricted.  Her husband died in England in 1999.  He had seen his wife only 5 times since 1989 when she was put under house arrest.  The last time had been in 1995.  In 2000 she was again placed under house arrest and released in 2002.  In 2003 she was detained after clashes between the National League for Democracy and Junta forces.  This lead to another period of house arrest.  She was finally freed in 2010.

While under house arrest Aung San Suu Kyi kept herself busy studying and exercising.  She meditated, worked on her French and Japanese language skills, and relaxed by playing Bach on the piano.At times she was able to meet other NLD officials and selected diplomats.  But during her early years of detention, she was often in solitary confinement. She was not allowed to see her two sons or her husband.

In April 2012 She stood for parliament for the first time and became leader of the the opposition.

Despite political oppression Aung San Suu Kyi remained an advocate that peaceful protests were the only way to gain democracy.  She is a remarkable woman.


Wednesday, 1 May 2013

What it feel like to have a miscarriage


So, reading this weeks Grazia magazine i came across this story "One in four of us will miscarry during out pregnancy. So why is it so hard to talk about it? Writer Jude Rogers, 34, who lost her baby recently, tackles the taboo.".  I thought I'd share my story with you since so many people don't talk about it.

I was 21 when i had my miscarriage.  I had only been with my boyfriend a couple of months and honestly we had been pretty lax with contraception.  Still I was surprised and delighted to find out I was pregnant.  it is 9 years on and my memory of the time is a little all over the place, but this is what i remember.

I came home from work about 10pm and my boyfriend had run a bath for me.  When i was in the bath he told me he wanted a DNA test  as he didn't believe the baby was his.  He then spent the next 1-2 hours verbally abusing me.  The next day i started to bleed.  I didn't know what to do so I phoned NHS24 who told me not to worry but to go and see my Dr.  I wasn't in any pain but the bleeding was like that of a heavy period.  My GP told me that everything looked ok but that she would arrange for me to have an ultrasound.  As it was a Friday afternoon though i would have to wait till Monday   The next day while on the toilet i passed a small white veiny blob.  When i looked at it i knew that was my baby and it was all over.  

I went with my boyfriend to A&E and they did a pregnancy test to confirm i had been pregnant and sent me to see what i assume now was a gynecologist who checked me out and told me that everything looked intact and i would have to see the ultrasound on Monday as arranged.  I knew even though they were telling me everything looked fine, that I had lost the baby, but we clung on to a little hope that i might be wrong.  Monday came and i had the ultrasound that confirmed what we already knew.

I was off work for about a week and when i went back nobody would talk to me about it.  No-one asked me if i was ok, it was like it had never happened and i felt completely alone.  As it turns out one of my friends had told everyone they were not to mention what had happened, thinking that talking about it would be too upsetting.  It was done out of kindness but it was the worst thing that they could have done.

I don't remember much about what happened afterwards.  My boyfriend became very abusive and I guess i got on with dealing with that.  Every now and then he would throw the pregnancy back in my face.  Eventually I began to feel that maybe the miscarriage was a blessing because it meant i wasn't tied to him.  I wondered if the stress he put me through that first night caused the miscarriage.

I sometimes thought about the baby that could have been, when i would have been due, birthdays, etc.  As i say that was 9 years ago.  Nine years, my life would have been very different.  If i had a child i probably wouldn't have left my abusive boyfriend, I suspect i might not have been around to tell this story.  What having a miscarriage has left me with though is a fear of ever getting pregnant again.  I question my ability to cope with another one, and i don't think i could relax through the pregnancy at all, constantly looking for signs there was a problem.  Because of this I intend to adopt instead of having my own children.  I am sure the adoption process has many ups and downs but at least it won't be happening inside my body.

If i could give anyone advice about miscarriage it would be to talk about it with a friend or your partner.  Also, 1/2/3/4 miscarriages don't necessarily mean you can't go on to have a healthy pregnancy, i have family members who are living proof of this. 

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